| Death Doulas: The Future of Death and Dying |
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Death Doulas: The Future of Death and Dying Nicole McCullough, EdS Have you ever been at a social event when death creeps into the conversation, setting off feelings of discomfort that permeate the room? Eyes avert, laughter ceases, and conversation flags. The light-hearted gathering has turned solemn as people express sadness and sympathy. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
One hundred years ago, we experienced death and dying differently. Surrounded by family, old and young alike, death took place in the home. At the start of the industrial revolution, when the funeral and medical industries boomed, death and dying shifted into the hands of professionals and away from the home (Jackson, 2003; DeCristofaro, 2022, 14:30). While medical advances are a boon in so many ways, the removal of death from the home has had several ramifications.
First, being present for a person’s death can soothe grief and provide a sense of peace. Additionally, removing the direct experience of death and dying from the general population has led to high levels of death anxiety and death phobia (DeCristofaro, 2022). Death anxiety pushed me to volunteer at the Dougy Center, a non-profit organization located in Portland, Oregon, which facilitates support groups and services to grieving children and young adults. It was at the Dougy Center that I met my first Death Doula. Ms. Valenca O’Donovan Valenzuela, a volunteer coordinator at the Dougy Center, was born on the day of the dead, and often jokes that it was fate that she works with death, dying, grief, and loss.
Valenca excels at holding space for those experiencing grief and introduced me to the term, Death Doula. According to Valenca, there are many terms for Death Doulas, such as End-of-Life Doula, Death Midwives, or End-of-Life Companions. Death Doulas are holistic providers of non-medical services to aid individuals preparing for the end of life (DeCristofaro, 2022). A Death Doula’s role can include guiding an individual who is dying to complete end-of-life paperwork or preplan ceremonies, including their funeral. Often this leaves the dying individual feeling a sense of peace that the task of funeral planning will not fall on those they leave behind (DeCristofaro, 2022; Valenzuela, n.d.). Death Doulas also facilitate legacy projects, such as ethical wills, which document a dying person’s values, hopes, and wisdom in life (DeCristofaro, 2022; Valenzuela, n.d.).
Valenca reports that the most impactful moment of being a Death Doula occurs during the bedside vigil, which she describes as the final moments of a person’s life. During this time she creates a peaceful death space by providing comfort as a person dies, often holding their hand (DeCristofaro, 2022; Valenzuela, n.d.). She further explains via the Grief Out Loud Podcast: “This can be a time filled with beautiful connection, but can also be a time of exhaustion, heartbreak and worry of the unknown. During Bedside Vigil service, [Death Doulas] help to create a peaceful and sacred space for the last moments of life” (DeCristofaro, 2022, 12:27).
A Death Doula’s role does not end at the bedside vigil. They often help guide families through the process of washing the dead, preparing rituals for after the person has died, or anything else the family wishes to do post-mortem. Some death doulas also provide grief support and counseling services. Regarding the evolving role of death doulas, Valenca states via the Grief Out Loud Podcast (DeCristofaro, 2022, 13:54),
“We are trying to change how the world does death & dying. We want to help people not feel so much death anxiety and want to put the care of the dying back into the hands of the families and not the medical/funeral industries. We are here to empower and support the dying and their families.” One of the most moving things I have heard Valenca share is the idea that a good death is tied to a good life, one that is lived authentically (Valenzuela, personal communication, October 13th ). Contemplating death helps you to contemplate life. Therefore, I am committed to contemplating my own death more often in an attempt to live a good, intentional life. And when my time to die comes, I am interested in using the services of a Death Doula, so that my family and I can feel prepared and be at peace as I take my final breaths. 1 Special thanks to Nancy Russo, Ph.D., and Stephanie Van Orden, PsyD, for providing feedback and additional resources for this article.
Resources for learning more about death doula’s Doulas for the Dying How death doulas are helping people process grief during the pandemic Traditional Health Worker Registry References DeCristofaro, J. (Host). (2022, July 1). Born for this work: Supporting grief and death (No. 229) [Audio podcast episode]. In Grief Outloud. Dougy Center.https://www.dougy.org/news-media/podcasts Jackson, T. (2003). What the industrial revolution did for us: Modern medicine. The BMJ, 327(7422), 1056. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC261680/pdf/bmj32701056.pdf Valenzuela, O. V. (n.d.). Raven & rose. https://www.ravenandrose.love/bedside-vigil |